An Open Letter to My Future Kiddo
Right now I don’t know who you are. I don’t even know if you’ve been born yet. I don’t know where you are, if you’re a boy or girl, if you have brown eyes like me, or eyes the color of the sky right when the sun breaks through after a storm. I do know, though, that I feel you in my heart. I already love you, and I have no idea what your name is, or if you get the hiccups a lot, or if you think that blanket forts are the best thing ever.
I hope you like blanket forts, and if you’ve never built one, I hope you let me teach you.
I know you’ve probably been through a lot, even if you don’t remember all of it. Things like that will stick with you, and I’m here for you to listen, or hug, or just sit and be quiet over a bowl of ice cream. Do you like ice cream?
It’s okay if you don’t want me to hug you at first, or even if it takes a long time to trust me. While I’m adopted, I was a newborn and I don’t remember things. It’s okay for you to remember, and it’s okay for you to cry and hurt if you need to. This house will be a safe space for you. Can I tell you a secret? I’m scared, too. I know I’m the “grown up,” but my heart beats a zillion times a minute thinking that you are coming here to live with me, that we will be a family.
Your grandparents are pretty cool people. You can call them by their first names, or you can call them Grandma and Grandpa, or Nana and Papa, or whatever you like. They’re really excited to meet you. They adopted me when I was a baby, and then four years later, adopted a cute little girl who became my sister. I’m sad that my sister isn’t alive anymore, but I have lots of pictures and stories. She would have loved you, too. She always asked me when she would get to be an aunt. Now she is one, and I know she’s happy wherever she is. My mom and dad live about 30 minutes away from us. Does that seem far? It really isn’t… I just put on some good music in the car and am home in no time! What kind of music do you like?
When you come home, because this is your forever home, I will have your room all ready for you. I don’t know exactly what you will like, but it will be fun for you to choose things to decorate your room with. You will have lots of choices, and I look forward to seeing what your personality looks like! Do you like teddy bears? Ladybugs? Butterflies? I have lots of butterflies in this house because my sister liked them, and I like to see them and think about her. I have two cats, too. They’re pretty old, but think they’re kittens. I call them Bandit and Bubba. Bubba takes a little bit to get to know people, but Bandit will come and meet you right away. They’re both very good cats and like to sleep a lot.
When you come home, I will have lots of time off of work so we can get to know each other. I’m a nurse at a hospital, and I teach other nurses new things. I work with a lot of really cool people. Do you know what nurses do? They take care of sick people and work with doctors to make them comfortable and feel better. I don’t know if you’ve been in a hospital, but I will bring you to work one day if you want to, so you can see that it’s not such a scary place. There is a lot of love that happens there, too.
I hope one day soon to get a phone call asking me to meet you. I’ve been working hard on my paperwork and classes so I can have people come over and make sure my home is safe and ready for you. I can’t wait to find out about you, and have your home and room ready for you to come be in a safe space. I want you to know that I’m thankful for your birth family, because they brought you into this world. When you are grown up, I will support you 100% if you want to find them. It’s weird knowing that you have two families, isn’t it?
I love you, Kiddo. I hope you’re well wherever you are, even if you haven’t been introduced to this Earth just yet. There’s a billion more pages I could write, and maybe I’ll keep adding on to this. You’ll have a novel by the time you arrive!